My Last Silent Partner
We all have a silent partner in our
lives – someone who just takes the time to listen to your words regardless how
irrational they may be and how stupid they may sound. To a silent partner, it
doesn’t matter much what you say but rather how you are saying it. They accept
it any way it comes and often let you know it’s all right to make mistakes or
be human.
Sometimes, my silent partner
prepared me for all that comes my way for the day. I often surrender my
emotions and my will to her whenever it is time to make a big decision to fight
or flight, to speak or be quiet, to move forward or to retreat. My silent
partner always gives me an indication which direction to take. She was a wise
partner and the only one that would take care of me unconditional and without alternative
motives.
As with any silent partner I take
the time to take care of her needs as well as mine. I schedule my day to ensure
her routine is met and on time she is given her fresh bowl of water and fed. She
doesn’t ask much from me except not to ignore her needs and giver her back the
love she gives me. It’s the least I can do for her loyalty and devotion to me
when I am up or down.
The day begins with a silent moment
of meditation for the two of us. One for her health, her safety and her energy
levels to cope with the day as we struggle to face it together. Our lives are
filled with moments of miracles but they are filled with moments of affection
and kindness for each other. It is often the way she tilts her head and the way
she speaks that sets the tone and tempo for the hours ahead as she makes me
smile as I say goodbye until I return again.
I rush out of the house leaving her
gently behind. I likely needed another cup of coffee to get a rush but it is
late and time is something I don’t have this early morning just like every
other morning. No pit stop at Starbucks and no McMuffin at McDonalds as I rush
to work like I did every other day the last 12 years my silent partner and I spent
the time together.
On the weekends it’s a completely different
story. My silent partner and I go through the drive thru and order my coffee
with cream and sugar and 2 McMuffins with cheese and egg while I order 2 extra
sausage biscuits for my silent partner who just sits there in the back of the
truck waiting for me to unwrap the biscuits and give them to her as her heart
beat with contentment.
Whenever we are together she gives
me signs that someone else is near or around. She lifts her head and nudges my
elbow or leg and tells me to be aware a stranger is approaching. I hardly ever
thanked her for such dedication as a protector but when I talk to her I validate
to her it is not a one-sided conversation as I listen to her when she speaks no
matter how soft her tone may be.
She was my personal trainer as well
as my mentor. She taught me when to walk away from the laptop and go outside to
work out with her and let her play till her heart was satisfied and ready to
rest and lay besides me without a word or attitude. She never needed a leash
for she was never tempted to run away and she knew when to go inside or go
outside whenever the need arises.
She taught me patience, gentleness
and kindness but most of all she taught me compassion. Compassion for others as
well as self and not to take life’s hard challenges to heart but rather take it
in stride and move on to deal with another day.
I had a strong knowing from the
start this would not last forever. My four legged silent partner was getting
older and it was harder for her to get around. No matter what kind of day it
was, we shared some moments together. I thanked her for being there for me and
she thanked me with a look only she can give me. She was my pillar of strength
and she never once let me down.
A week before she was limping some
and I could tell she was in pain. She proceeded to tell me it’s okay and it too
will pass. If this was a movie my silent partner would be the start and I would
just be another member of the cast for her heart was made of gold and her
loyalty was undivided and reassuring she was there for me.
I confirmed my psychic sense that
something was terribly wrong today. I sensed we both needed divine intervention
as things just weren’t sitting right for her and for me. A heavy heart I made
the call she had to go to sleep and ease the pain. I thought about it all
morning and I looked up to God to ask Him what I should do. There was no
waiting as her pain was beyond suffering and I couldn’t stand to see her in so
much misery.
I asked a friend of mine to drive
the her favorite Chevy truck and take us for a ride as we sat in the back of
the truck together just like we did when she was puppy and full of life. We drove
around as I held her close and felt the wind comfort her face once more for the
last time and held her oh so close to me as we come to the journey’s end. We did
this for a couple of hours looking for a sign that it was the right thing to
do.
When we stopped she looked at me and
tilted her head and acted like she wanted me to do what I should do. I couldn’t
bear to see the pain anymore and I knew she was dying inside as well as the
outside. Her eyes were cloudy, her hair was brittle and her tongue was pale. It
was time to say goodbye to my silent partner and not let her suffer any longer
for another day.
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