My Last Silent Partner

My Last Silent Partner

We all have a silent partner in our lives – someone who just takes the time to listen to your words regardless how irrational they may be and how stupid they may sound. To a silent partner, it doesn’t matter much what you say but rather how you are saying it. They accept it any way it comes and often let you know it’s all right to make mistakes or be human. 

Sometimes, my silent partner prepared me for all that comes my way for the day. I often surrender my emotions and my will to her whenever it is time to make a big decision to fight or flight, to speak or be quiet, to move forward or to retreat. My silent partner always gives me an indication which direction to take. She was a wise partner and the only one that would take care of me unconditional and without alternative motives.

As with any silent partner I take the time to take care of her needs as well as mine. I schedule my day to ensure her routine is met and on time she is given her fresh bowl of water and fed. She doesn’t ask much from me except not to ignore her needs and giver her back the love she gives me. It’s the least I can do for her loyalty and devotion to me when I am up or down. 

The day begins with a silent moment of meditation for the two of us. One for her health, her safety and her energy levels to cope with the day as we struggle to face it together. Our lives are filled with moments of miracles but they are filled with moments of affection and kindness for each other. It is often the way she tilts her head and the way she speaks that sets the tone and tempo for the hours ahead as she makes me smile as I say goodbye until I return again. 

I rush out of the house leaving her gently behind. I likely needed another cup of coffee to get a rush but it is late and time is something I don’t have this early morning just like every other morning. No pit stop at Starbucks and no McMuffin at McDonalds as I rush to work like I did every other day the last 12 years my silent partner and I spent the time together.

On the weekends it’s a completely different story. My silent partner and I go through the drive thru and order my coffee with cream and sugar and 2 McMuffins with cheese and egg while I order 2 extra sausage biscuits for my silent partner who just sits there in the back of the truck waiting for me to unwrap the biscuits and give them to her as her heart beat with contentment. 

Whenever we are together she gives me signs that someone else is near or around. She lifts her head and nudges my elbow or leg and tells me to be aware a stranger is approaching. I hardly ever thanked her for such dedication as a protector but when I talk to her I validate to her it is not a one-sided conversation as I listen to her when she speaks no matter how soft her tone may be. 

She was my personal trainer as well as my mentor. She taught me when to walk away from the laptop and go outside to work out with her and let her play till her heart was satisfied and ready to rest and lay besides me without a word or attitude. She never needed a leash for she was never tempted to run away and she knew when to go inside or go outside whenever the need arises.

She taught me patience, gentleness and kindness but most of all she taught me compassion. Compassion for others as well as self and not to take life’s hard challenges to heart but rather take it in stride and move on to deal with another day. 

I had a strong knowing from the start this would not last forever. My four legged silent partner was getting older and it was harder for her to get around. No matter what kind of day it was, we shared some moments together. I thanked her for being there for me and she thanked me with a look only she can give me. She was my pillar of strength and she never once let me down.

A week before she was limping some and I could tell she was in pain. She proceeded to tell me it’s okay and it too will pass. If this was a movie my silent partner would be the start and I would just be another member of the cast for her heart was made of gold and her loyalty was undivided and reassuring she was there for me. 

I confirmed my psychic sense that something was terribly wrong today. I sensed we both needed divine intervention as things just weren’t sitting right for her and for me. A heavy heart I made the call she had to go to sleep and ease the pain. I thought about it all morning and I looked up to God to ask Him what I should do. There was no waiting as her pain was beyond suffering and I couldn’t stand to see her in so much misery. 

I asked a friend of mine to drive the her favorite Chevy truck and take us for a ride as we sat in the back of the truck together just like we did when she was puppy and full of life. We drove around as I held her close and felt the wind comfort her face once more for the last time and held her oh so close to me as we come to the journey’s end. We did this for a couple of hours looking for a sign that it was the right thing to do. 

When we stopped she looked at me and tilted her head and acted like she wanted me to do what I should do. I couldn’t bear to see the pain anymore and I knew she was dying inside as well as the outside. Her eyes were cloudy, her hair was brittle and her tongue was pale. It was time to say goodbye to my silent partner and not let her suffer any longer for another day.