Today is probably one of the worst days of my life. In my warped and almost certainly distorted conscience are memories of loneliness. It is times like this I wish I could go back to the time when I was surrounded under an abundance of clamor of people, lots of people on the playground, in the movie theaters or as we played flag football on those narrow cobblestone avenues on the south end of Columbus Ohio in the sixties.
The mind is twisted as it brings me back to memories of the bad things that happened in life and as if it deliberately hides the good things that you seldom remember when the room seems dark and airless. Laying still on a queen size bed made for two people, you reach over to the empty breathing space where you thought someone would be at a time like this when everything seems to be collapsing and crumbling inside your personal world.
No longer filled with the exuberance and faith once possessed as a young man struggling to deal with the world's issues and political implications, I come to realize that my heart and soul has become lethargic and stale. Energized and full of vigor once reminiscing to the days of my life where engaged in hostilities of an ostracized jungle confrontation in Southeast Asia with vivid images of running through dense jungles packed with cry and detonation.
Today, to be within a touch of depression is an unreal certainty to say the least. The truth of the mere existence within this world is shrinking as my legs can no longer carry me long distances creating less and less activities for me to enjoy. My eyes are dull as my mind drifts endlessly beyond the thoughts of tomorrow.
Coming to the realization this slow and torture will strip away those very same senses once possessed when young. It has become troublesome to reach those levels of self satisfaction in the pursuit of happiness, and realize a man needs to encircle himself with others to enjoy life to the fullest to the end.
