Amnesia Asylum

I go into darkened places where everybody hangs out getting mighty and high

I feel like paranoia is consuming me from start to finish as I taste the vulgar air of life inside a mind likened so much like a prison

With my friends by my side they tell me I am doing fine but if you really want to know more you cannot hide and run away

You have to read between the lines and show me an open door that will lead me to the inside where you can stay

I am feeling kind of lonely here inside the asylum although you are right there beside me not knowing what to do or what to say

I know that you are here somewhere near but I can’t see you with my eyes once so true and no words do I hear you say

Sometimes I wonder if this crazy place is real or fake or in my case maybe it’s just a lie

For I seem to be lost and lonely inside these walls and windows of the asylum a place where I don’t want to die

I remember the first day as well as I have forgotten tomorrow.  I remember the dreams I left behind

For every wish I made there was sorrow as I forget about the past and can’t face tomorrow

No memory can escape and no emotion can tell the way it is and the way it was

But if I can fall asleep right now and close my eyes, I am sure I can find my way back to you

I am not fine, I am not fine at all for I can’t remember where I have been

I know this place is dark and dirty but I really don’t recognize any one as kin

It’s like it never happened but yet if feels so real to me I cry as I feel roaches crawl on my skin

And if it was real how can I be fine without you’re by my side unless you aren’t there and this is all a lie

Did I wake up with amnesia or did I forget my dreams in some twisted way

If I walk a little closer to you would you stare and push me away

I forget all the little things we have done and where we have been

As time slipped away from me, I can’t hear a word you said to me even yesterday

If I am dreaming wake me up so I can see shake me up so I can see

I didn’t mean to leave you alone but alone and insane I appear to be

I remember a tear or two running down my face the other day

But the memories will never come back to me as time seems to slip away

So how do I escape this asylum I am trapped in and how do I break my dream

If I woke up right now would I recognize you again? Would I be able to see?

I remember the day you left me, I remember the day you cried

But for the life of me I can’t remember all the reasons why

End of my Days - A vision of an older man who wanted to be sure he had a shelter for his soul

There are some concerns arising for the end of my days

There are those needs I must put away some plans for finding a shelter for my soul

I cannot leave it here or there without a protector or possessor

For the life I have lived has touched so many souls

I want to be burned and not put into the ground

I want to be open in the air and spread my ashes all around

Good fortune has followed me and I feel very blessed

But to find a shelter for my soul is now my best interest.

I made some mistakes and I have some regrets

But when the Good Lord calls me I shall carry these burdens no more

And although I have been brave and met the courage for the tasks

I now believe it’s time for me to rest.

My end game will be my new game as I see the gates of heaven nearby

And ask for forgiveness for the harm I hope the good Lord will buy

For I am sure I will need a place to stay although I cannot pay

But a place to rest and shelter for my soul is what I hope I may

Oh if my days could have been all over again

I would have spent my time getting out of the rain

But the rain was what attracted me to all I have ever asked for and seen

As a knock on a door freed me from the shadow of my name and a new life can begin

I am weary of these burdens I carried I am tired of this mortal load

To do what is right and rather than follow others or those who have told

That heaven is imaginary and often never found

But what I know is that I will fall into the arms of heaven and by God’s love I am bound

Photo by Maggie Irwin

Places of the Past by Carl ToersBijns,

Photo by Maggie Irwin

Lonely nights brings me back again to those dirty places

Just like the many times before I break the dawn sitting here, just silently thinking

Everything is the same and nothing is new or so it seems today

I’ve lost everything I owned but gained it back again

Driving down the lonely country road I threw it out the window

Never looking back in my rearview mirror because I knew all along, it would find its way back again

And start it all over and over just like it did before and before

Looking up to the sky I see it’s not falling as the colors keep my hopes alive

That tomorrow will bring me something new and different

Somedays these colors are not so perfect as they guide my thinking

Even when I can’t see the light I try to keep my eyes wide open

They help me out when I am lonely they keep me sane when the light goes dark

I have to stop this extremely thinking that takes me home again

I’ve been in war and dirty places as I wiped my tears away to shed the pain

I remember those extreme and noisy places just like it was yesterday

I never liked them then and hate them even more tomorrow

These extreme places cause me to be alone again inside this prison of my mind

Whether I will ever be loved again or find some room to share my heart

I fell apart so many times before I fell apart so many times before I am afraid to start

But not once did the noisy sounds inside my mind say to me it’s over

There is no need to close your eyes and suffer from the light

Life has let me down a time or two or maybe even more before I stopped counting

I didn’t give up but I didn’t couldn’t see the light with my eyes shut tight

Listening and feeling and knowing my heart is still beating

They couldn’t get me although in heaven’s name they tried and so my world will never be open

They couldn't get me, although in heaven's name they tried

As I hide from the darkened fear inside my head I closed it all,

I closed it all to stop the pain from hurting so many heartaches

So many places some say I fell apart but I am still standing

Never gave up on life but it’s easy to see that I keep going back to these dirty places

For where I am now, it is not at all where I want to be