Manipulated
by Emotion
In our life, there are the good, the
bad and the ugly. For the sake of this article, the good are your positive
influences, the bad are those who create the negativities and the ugly are
those who play on the emotions of the good and bad to make it unpleasant or
unhealthy. “Emotional manipulators” (Bradberry)
can undermine your sense of who you are and even make you doubt your own
sanity. Remember: nobody can manipulate you without your consent and
cooperation.
Working inside a jail or prisons
there are people we know to be emotional manipulators. Surely, we have all been
warned of them as they prey on us and those around them to get the end game
desired to play. They can be very effective as they have no limits or scruples
in do it so often. It is something they wake up with in the morning and see how
many people they can pull along with their mind games.
We all know what it feels like to be
emotionally manipulated. It can be extremely effective, which is why some
unscrupulous individuals do it so much. Inmates, whether convicted felons or
awaiting their court dates inside a jail are people with their own agendas and
updates. They are greatly aware of the moods and behaviors around them and play
the games they design based on these observations and environmental responses.
We divide manipulated people into
two categories – the willing and the unaware. The willing are usually
ill-trained or prepared to work inside such a facility or environment and the
unaware are those who allow others to manipulate them by tweaking your
emotional responses to suit their needs. Regardless whether you are willing or unaware these qualities are both weaknesses. An
inmate who chooses to target you can know
your weaknesses and triggers. A skilled emotional manipulator can destroy your
self-esteem and even make you question your sanity.
Because their harm is so precise and
so harmful, you need to know how to recognize the warning signs to protect
yourself and your reputation. It starts with a subtle and raises the stakes
over time. It happens so subtle; you hardly notice it.
They
undermine your faith in your grasp of reality. Emotional
manipulators are incredibly skilled liars. They insist an incident didn’t
happen when it did, and they insist they did or said something when they didn’t.
In fact, they make you doubt yourself and your perceptions.
Their
actions don’t match their words. Emotional
manipulators will tell you what you want to hear, but their actions are another
story. They pledge their support, but, when it comes time to follow through,
they act as though your requests are entirely unreasonable. In some strange
way, they embrace your presence with theirs and make you feel beneficial to
help others.
They are
experts at doling out guilt. Emotional
manipulators are masters at leveraging your guilt to their advantage. When
you’re dealing with emotional manipulators, whatever you do is wrong, and, no matter
what problems is, they’re your fault. They
claim the role of the victim. When it comes to emotional manipulators,
nothing is ever their fault. No matter what they do or fail to do it’s someone
else’s fault. Emotional manipulators don’t take accountability for anything.
They are
too much, too soon. It can be a very
overwhelming experience. Whether it’s a personal relationship
or a business relationship, emotional manipulators always seem to skip a few
steps. They share too much too soon—and expect the same from you exposing you
to personal and professional vulnerability and sensitivity that can be used in
a ruse or charade.
They are
an emotional abyss of doubt. Whatever
emotional manipulators are feeling, they’re geniuses at sucking everyone around
them into those emotions making you feel responsible for their moods and
obliged to fix them. They eagerly agree
to help and maybe even volunteer
then act like a martyr. An
initial eagerness to help swiftly morphs into sighs, groans, and suggestions
that whatever they agreed to do is a huge burden and eventually make you feel
guilty, indebted, and maybe even crazy for being so involved.
Without a doubt, they try to stay one-step ahead of you. No matter what
problems you may have, manipulators will convince you that they have it worse.
They undermine the legitimacy of your complaints by reminding you that their
problems are more serious. They know
all your buttons and don’t hesitate to push them. Emotional manipulators
know your weak spots, and they’re quick to use that knowledge against you. If
you’re insecure about some personal issues, be prepared to have them used
against you to the point of intimidating you or make you feel bad about
yourself.
Make no mistake about it, their behavior truly goes against reason.
The game to play is no game. Remove yourself from their traps. Quit trying to
beat them at their own game. Distance yourself from them emotionally. You don’t
need to respond to the emotional chaos only the facts.
Maintaining an emotional distance
requires awareness. You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons if you
don’t recognize when it’s happening to you or those around you.Once you’ve
identified a manipulator, establish boundaries, but do so consciously and
proactively. If you let things happen naturally, you’re bound to find yourself
constantly embroiled in difficult conversations.
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