Wednesday, August 20, 2014

An Open Letter to my grandchildren



Recent events has led me to write this article to my grandchildren because of my fear that we are on a journey that may impair or destroy the very moral fiber and justice we have been striving for since the mid-sixties when legitimate civil rights challenges came upon us to resolve and deal with legally as well as morally as they were all major human rights conditions without exception. 

Times have changed and the message here is one of compassion, understanding, kindness and hope that you will have the capacity and the forgiveness in your heart to figure out how to solve problems and transform your lives into something meaningful according to your own plans and your own ambitions. Although I could say we have traveled this journey before, there are positive dynamics which may make this journey more fruitful than ever before. 

I pray your opportunities match your capabilities and that our communities has given you the tools for success and opportunities which may open many doors for you now and in the future. If you are struggling I recommend you find a way to improve your self-confidence, education or career choices as it is painful to see you struggle and limit yourself because of discrimination or oppression you may have experienced. I speak these words only because I had to overcome such difficulties myself in my life. 

We know that these two elements may limit your growth or social competence and we pray you find the strength to recognize them in a timely manner and overcome their debilitating influences on your lives. I don’t ever want you to hold yourself back from opportunities and developing the confidence that will make you a greater person and a productive member of your community and society. Hopefully, you will find sources which may empower you to find your greatness and enable you to do what you were destined to do. 

In all reality, discrimination has been around for many centuries and will never be eliminated. Talking about discrimination in a social content we talk about specific characteristics e.g. race, gender, religion, national origin, political opinions, sexual orientation, class – and treating groups differently as a result. Although discrimination can be either positive or negative – you can either discriminate in favor of or against a particular group – my focus here is negative discrimination. 

Hopefully you recognize this reality and keep it in mind at all times when you deal with issues in your life, career or community interactions. Oppression is discrimination carried to its extreme. Oppressed people are not only discriminated against, but are also subject to physical and psychological brutality – and occasionally genocide – sometimes for disobeying or displeasing those in power, sometimes to discourage them and others from trying to change their condition, and sometimes out of pure hatred. Looking at Iraq and the slaughter of century old Yazidi tribe and their ancient cultures, you can understand that this kind of behavior will never be tolerated but it does exist. 

This is the major basis for my concerns. I don’t want you to fall victim to the phenomena of this force in a negative manner as it can disrupt or destroy lives and its opportunities to bring you happiness. There are places in our country that have not followed the rule of law when it comes to civil rights and the rights of human beings under our Constitution. 

The modern era has seen unheralded blending within the family model.  Bluntly stated, these bi-racial families are mostly accepted in today’s culture and traditions but there are still vacuums to fill from cultural and ethnicity approaches that also includes religious, spiritual, sexuality, age, gender and finally, generational.  

The previous idyllic "nuclear family" with a homogenized veneer that had cookie cutter models in grown and children sizes. In other words we are all different. This along with your own identity and personality makes growing up a challenge while surrounded by these dynamics. 

Over the course of 3 decades a lot has changed.  The acceptance of blended families and familiarity with them in the community is more a norm.  But inclusion in general can still be distant. These are the dynamics I worry about as you are my children and will likely bear the burdens of society’s wrath towards different opinions. 

Ethnicity and race still have a prominent place in our world.  Muslim and Jews are fighting in the Middle East.  Black and White violence has occurred in Ferguson MO.  Many Latino children are being accosted or abandoned at the borders with no recourse but to depend on our government to feed and take care of them through no fault of their own.  Right now we don’t have the answers except to keep trying to treat people right. 

We have endured many conflicts previous to these events and we are making progress in some areas. In other areas we have dropped the ball as a society and need to get it back in line with our social expectations that all men are created equal. America is and always will be a melting pot of people but it is important to remember these are people. 

These highlighted events revisit the differences in people and create the distance that people will create for those seen as different creating a de facto bias. This is both destructive and harmful to our communities, our families and our friendships. Relationships have been impaired because of such “differences” in ideologies.

On a daily basis the blended family lives like any other family but society has not surpassed bigotry and racism, they seethe beneath the surface like gasoline waiting for a spark (mostly this is a memory not a lifestyle choice).  I have experienced this multiple times in my life and wish such friction on no one. My point is to let you know that regardless of the pain or harm inflicted, you are strong enough to overcome them and build on these events to make you stronger. 

We need to realize our blended family has done nothing wrong but we are subject to periods of different treatment of bias and hate.  We know we only love each other and we are no different than anyone else.  The world does change but not quickly and there will always be those who will be small and bigoted (but they are the minority of late and when you are your grandfather’s age they may have largely disappeared, hopefully).  

While we are not the "standard" family we are a family.  We are like any other family and we live in better times then when I was a kid. But remember we are not beyond looking at differences at a society but there is movement in that direction daily. Tis will be likely it will be your generations who will be called upon to set this all into an accurate perspective and once again strive to overcome the challenges and find the pursuit of happiness a realistic goal again.

Be strong. I have faith in your generation’s ability to build peace and harmony when others failed. For this, my generation owes you an apology and pray you forgive us.  Look to God for guidance and always remember who you are, where you came from and who brought you the light of love into your hearts.

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