Dealing with Anger

How many times have you seen someone express the desire to “crush someone” when they are angry? Does crushing someone really work and what does it accomplish as a management tool? Does it create less work or more worries? I suspect you already know the answers.

When you are angry, really angry, you tend to be what other people view as “not yourself” and out of character. You have become someone alienated and sometimes fearful to be around with and unpredictable in behaviors. Admittedly, sometimes we enjoy watching someone “lose it” and not realize the consequences of such conduct.

We all hold back emotions on the job, it was taught to us to leave our personal lives at the gate. Sadly, this impacts our ability to cope with the workplace environment and something needs to bridge the two dynamics in a positive manner. First, we must admit that being too angry or mad is a complete waste of time and energy.

You need to learn to suck it up and move on.

However, what you may not realize before is that anger adds a value to your life and to your behaviors. It is the most important emotion we have and determines the good and bad choices we make in our lives.

Anger usually brings change. Change in behavior, change in attitude and manners and change in the environment. Hence, anger serves a special purpose for you, it gives you a warning something needs to change.

How you deal with extremely angry emotions is up to you. There is nobody strong enough to control your own emotions and the triggers of control comes from within. One has many choices how to deal with anger and hopefully, managing it will make you a better person.

Negative reactions have a variety of option on this continuum of feelings related to anger. There are many ways to deal with them but suppressing them is not good for you or your health. It can lead to physiological conditions such as ulcers or heart disease and other damaging indicators of illnesses.

You can choose to let it happen and use this opportunity to express yourself in a healthy positive manner. Don’t shut the emotion inside you and don’t shut people out of your life. Deal with it but make it a positive experience instead of letting it fester inside of you.

One thing is for sure, don’t hide it or ignore it for it won’t go away. Time may allow it to subside for a while but it eventually will manifest itself again and come back. Think about it for a moment and realize you are angry. Now is not a good time to speak or act out because you are angry. Words, like actions, can hurt just as bad.

Cool off, evaluate the importance of your anger and decide whether you can fix it or not. Is it in your span of control or does it take the help of others. The answer is not to take any premature or earlier actions without collecting all the facts.

Ask yourself, “Why am I angry?” and determine if it is an isolated matter or a buildup of smaller issues that have now culminated into a bigger issue. Timing is everything and if the time or place isn’t right to deal with your anger, you need to learn to walk away from it and deal with it in another time or space as the rage subsides low enough for you to think clearly. This is not avoidance or delaying, its strategy to deal with your anger.

Some great channels of healing or relieving anger is to cool off with physical exercise and “blow off steam” to reduce your anger. Use your anger to fuel your exercise activities and keep it focused on calming your emotions.

Look at your anger as a life challenge block or barrier. Analyze what makes you so angry. Look at the circumstances, your situational awareness is important. What underlying circumstances are fueling your anger?

Is someone provoking you or is it something taken out of perspective and blown out of proportion. There are ways to evaluate cause and effect before you do something drastic. Using logic or common sense often serves as a cooling off device before you know it.

Anger comes from within but that doesn’t give you the right to claim to be a victim. You can’t blame others for your anger. You have to use your own head to figure it out and not point fingers at others even though they might have triggered your anger. It is your responsibility to deal with it and not others.

If possible, find a sanctuary or a safe place – a place where you feel you can think or relax without interferences. Taking a time out still works for many of us, when angry, you are physically and psychologically stressed out and over stimulated. Calm down and find a safe spot.

The phrase “look before you leap” serves an important purpose. It determines your timing and responses when angry so consider the source or the person who caused this anger. Don’t let the anger become a collective matter.

Treat each problem separately to proportion your approach and responses. Putting all your problems together causes more anger and cause a bigger argument than necessary.

Find a good friend who is trustworthy. Sometimes sharing a problem will lower you anger and make it more manageable. Finding a set of headphones and listening to music is also a positive way to handle anger.

You can transfer your emotions to the music and create different thought patterns that can calm you down or allow you to match your emotion to the music beat or tempo creating a synchronized relief system.

Anger has triggers. Triggers can be minor or aggravated by person place or thing. Be aware of what triggers your anger. Allow a deviance in your schedule to avoid having to deal with these triggers and work around them. Don’t create situations where your anger crosses the path of what you dislike the most in your life.

One effective way to fight anger is to learn how to relax. Something that will put you at ease for the moment being and give you a chance to breathe. Reconnect with the things in your life that have a fulfilling meaning or value to you.

Last but not least, never use anger to fuel change. Remember at the beginning anger is always related to change. The key is to make or create positive change and focus on building a life rather than destroying it. Some enjoy anger because it is an emotional high with adrenalin or hormone stimulation. Be careful as it will create a cause and effect produce you have to deal with in the end.