Thus there comes
a time when living with your children becomes a financial choice and at the
same time, a blessing in disguise as you are given a second opportunity to help
your children keep up with their own lives as well as the lives of your
grandchildren. One can never regret such
a decision unless there are dynamics in place that disallows an environment of
harmony and peace amongst the clan.
Taking care of
the aging is a tricky situation. Our kids are grown and seldom rely on advice
from their parents yet, there are times where such decisions are reasonable and
appreciated. You are proud of their independence but at the same time, you hope
they understand your positions as well.
Taking care of a
family can be very overwhelming, chaotic and stressful for parents. It can be
twice as much stressful for the aging parents moving into the house, as they
have to adapt or acclimate themselves to a new environment that includes the
younger generation and activities that fill the day with exercise and decision
making.
This is written
with first-hand experience in balancing such a delicate environment. The challenge
was complex and not easy at first as you need to re-assess your own temperament
and attitude and leave it at the door in order to get to first base and
understand the situation you have put yourself in while recognizing you are at
the mercy of others as well as your grandkids will and pleasures.
Although that
sounds sort of negative, it can indeed be a positive experience if you handle
it with the kind of love, compassion and empathy such situations call for especially
at times when the discipline comes into play and you need to stay out of taking
sides or expressing yourself in a manner that undermines the parents. Giving advice
is secondary rather than a primary purpose these days.
For our children,
it is even more complicated. Confusing this ”living together” arrangement are
other challenges such as mental illness, physical disabilities, cancer and
other diseases such as Alzheimer’s and dementia to complicate some things to a
higher degree and that warrants better understanding of the illness as well as
the person’s needs.
Taking care of
such individuals who are your parents can be difficult and vice versa. Taking
advice from those who are your children is sometimes a very hard thing to do
but necessary when it comes to taking your medicine, taking care of your health
or keeping you safe.
Having the
opportunity to be with my grandkids, I find it particularly difficult for them
to relate to my needs as well as me simultaneously understanding their needs. Raising
children has become a very complex task with many stressors in place that
impact behaviors and decisions based on the good of all rather than the
wellness of just a few.
This translates
to bridging generations and understanding where they are coming from so you can
relate to their points of view and vice versa. Knowing their lifestyles, music,
friends and other socially dictating things, it is important to balance your
views and avoid being too opinionated in matters close to the heart.
One important
thing to remember is that taking care of aging parents is much different from
raising children. Both can go bad quickly but because personalities, habits and
attitudes can get in the way, a relationship can turn bad overnight if the
wrong things are said of done to damage what is already a tender and fragile
process.
On the other
hand, aging persons need to realize that being taken care of imposes a higher
level of stress, overwork of worrying and conflicting moments of work-life
situations. Although this applies to the kids as well, parents are expected to
understand these moments and accept it as a legitimate reason for flexibility
in their lives as well as their needs. It is true parents often need assistance
but the less dependent you are on your children, the better the relationship.
There will always
be some predictability in most situations. We know there will be times where we
have to talk honestly about money, health and other things that need attention
in order to make things come together. You can’t compare child care with
elderly care. They are completely two different things and that must be
recognized from the beginning so there are no hurt feelings along the way.
Caregiving and
caretaking responsibilities are important but not necessarily a difficult
transition as you try not to be a burden to anyone especially your grown
children who welcomed you into their home. Respect and self-respect plays an
important part of this relationship. Remember that taking care of your children
may be turned upside down and find the role of your kids to be taking care of
you. It’s hard to admit but the older you get, the more you need help with
things you never needed help with before.
Making this a satisfied
arrangement depends on the energy and effort put into the arrangement and
relationships. Sometimes, we tend to judge more than we need to and that comes
with that attitude you leave at the door if you want it to work for all involved.
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