Someday

Someday

 Many of my longstanding friends will remember the personalized license plate I had on my teal colored ’95 Mustang GT coupe. I displayed it with pride as I put about 13 K into the car to make it one of the fastest there was.  I knew that Someday I would have to meet the reality of my life and face the consequences as they fall and this plate symbolized my ultimate fate as I grew older. We all have a Someday and we all have to face the fact that we have to deal with the certainty of who you are, where you have been and what you have become. It sounds simple but it is quite a journey and exploration once you take the time to look at it carefully.

My conscience has always been my guide. Although that doesn’t mean I did the right things for the right reasons, it is what it is. I did what I did and mixed with emotion and regrets, I stand by my way of life. I could quote the lyrics of many songs that use the title “Someday” as it is as common as any other song but the reality and the force it impacts you or me or those around me is really different and complex to explain. We all have memories and Somedays can shape them and make it a dream come true. The problem was my mind was not always as clear as it should have been. Clouded with anger and frustration, it never came to a point where I was at peace with myself and world around me at the same time.

My early Someday evolve from the day I was born. It was about my childhood and dreams coming true as I wander through life looking for something that has my passion. Senseless dreams as a child were many. Day dreaming was a way of making it through class or that part time job after school. Not concerned about the practicality or the costs involved your dreams are just that, dreams. An unreal journey to say the least it was a way of coping at the time. It was here that I learned about procrastination and indecisiveness.

Then your Someday becomes a little bit of a force to drive your instincts to become a father or provider. Never meeting my calling as a responsible person in the beginning of my adolescent and young adult days it became a nightmare for me as I kept screwing good things up and focused on staying on the bad side of life. In this journey I lost precious things and more than that, I lost treasurable moments. I was losing my grip on my Someday and drifted into space and other darkness. Experiencing a mind altering event, I knew it would take decades to put be back on track. It was here where I learned about the darkness and the evilness in the world as I allowed it to enter mine.

Middle age brings me another opportunity to straighten the tracks of my tears and come out a little bit more focused on the priorities of life and those within it. Your Someday now becomes a global feeling and ambition that drives you to a specific goal and warmth inside. You are working hard to keep that feeling alive and although you may stumble more than once, how you get up measures the distance you will travel and survive. The sun begins to be noticed and the clouds appear to be lined with a little more silver than before as the storms subside and the light becomes brighter.it was here where I learned to be patient and allow the sunshine to enter when dark clouds were rumbling in the background and teasing my mind that there is more rain than sunshine in one’s life.

Today my Someday is almost here and I can see that although not a perfect life, I have redeemed myself slightly but not completely. There are still vital pieces of the puzzle missing and that will be up to God and my guardian angels to see if they will ever be found or connected to what I need to complete the journey. I can honestly say I did it the best I could and found my heart, my soul and my conscience along the way to keep it as straight as possible but it’s far from perfect.

Perhaps, another chance in another world or heaven will make my Someday come true and complete as I always dreamt it would be for I know I did my best and that is all I can do when you are mortal and subject or prone to making mistakes or errors in judgment that can be detrimental to life or love, regardless how you do it, you will fail one and satisfy the other. It’s just the way life is.