Man, I really
Screwed Up
By Carl R.
Toersbijns
I will try to make
this as simple as I can. I quit working a few years ago because I wanted to do
something else in life as prison work was the only thing I had done for the
past two and a half decades and my mind became stale and obnoxious in the way I
thought about things. Never thinking of being a correctional officer before I
applied for the job, I thought that prison workers were stupid and ignorant
people just like in the movies.
I had never played this
game before thus I relied on mentors and others to learn the trade and learn it
well. I won’t lie and say I never messed up because I did but I learned for being
stupid. Quickly I sought different ways to help fix my problems and became
quite good at fixing problems because frankly, there were so many of them and
some were really bad.
Sorry, I can’t or
won’t write the fine details on each problem but what is important are the
lessons learned from each mistake. I accepted suggestions and ideas freely and
any offer for a useful resolution was welcomed. I knew I could not fix these
problems alone so I relied on family, friends and co-workers to help me out. It
seemed to have made a big difference as many of these friends and co-workers
stood by me as I learned to become better at what I chose to do.
This method of problem
solving paved a path of success. A path that was created built and designed by
many and not just one. This path became clearer as each day passed as the
supportive circle around me steered me in the right direction, most of the
time.
I rarely missed my
target. I tried hard to succeed and excel and worked hard day and night,
holidays and weekends. I sacrificed time and automatically defaulted into a
business mode that impacted my family as well as my personal life.
For that I regret that
I didn’t realize and identify this sadness as one of my problems at the time as
I could have repaired some of the damage done.
Today, I am
appreciative and sorry at the same time. Appreciative that I had the kind of
support that allowed my professional goals and endeavors to be successful. However, I am sorry I didn’t ask for help
when my personal relationships were on the line and unreadable at the time it
happened for it could have been handled different.
I am just a simple
human being; I erred in some ways and did right in others. I tried to balance
my world and found harmony along the way along with sorrow.
I know I totally
screwed up along the way but I think, if anyone is wondering, it came out all
right in the long run because we are human and humans forgive those that
sincerely confess and ask for understanding from those they love and care for.
November 29, 2012
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