The morning of September 11th was an ordinary wake up with the normal routine as I readied myself to go to work that day and take the 75 daily commute in stride as I have done for the past many years working in a prison so far away. Living in a small rural town of Los Lunas New Mexico, I started the car and turned the radio on my favorite station that gave me virtual company on my way to work as I have done many times before. Traveling this poorly kept road was a rigorous task as the road was narrow and barely traveled but often besieged in the early morning by speeding 10 wheelers taking a short cut to the interstate as they avoided the heavy morning traffic of Albuquerque, New Mexico. Concentrating on the twisting road was a must to remain on the poorly maintained tarmac road. About 15 minutes into the commute, the sounds of rock and roll kept my head focused on the road ahead as the morning sun was creeping over the small mounds of the black lava rocks hiding places where volcanoes once spewed out their once molten rocks during an eruption once million years ago.
Taking the winding and sharp turns of the narrow highway with the window down to feel the fresh morning air, I heard a newsbreak that caught my awareness quickly as it mentioned an airplane crashed into a high rise building in New York City. I quickly rolled up the window to hear the message but no information was available yet and the announcer calmly explained the story had to be confirmed further. Moments later, there was another break I the music as the announcer, now exhibiting a serious tremble in his voice, tried to describe what he referred to as a horrific accident in the sky with two aircrafts crashing into the high rise structure identified as the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in New York. Breathlessly and at the same time, fervently filled with tremor and bewilderment the announcer told the story in a different tone and with much seriousness that way too dramatic to ignore.
Sensing pandemonium in his voice, I dialed my cell phone and called work to verify the information I had heard on the radio but was unable to reach anyone as I was in a no service zone. Speeding up to get out of the dead zone, my mind was racing with horrific images of what I had heard. The vision of was now announced as two airplanes, identified to be commercial type, crashing into a towering building occupied by thousands of innocent people was too much to bear and comprehend as I continued to race beyond the speed limit to get to a signal for my call. Once out of the dead zone and already worked up by the radio announcer, my heart had beat so fast and sunk so low I could hardly breathe as I thought of all those people who were hurt or died in what was being described as a fiery flaming inferno by witnesses being interviewed on the spot.
Helplessly trapped inside my car on a desolate highway I prayed for the welfare of those innocent trapped victims and first responders, as I listened closely as news became bleaker and depressing that this was indeed a deliberate act by a group of unknowns and the impact so far was horrendous and beyond comprehension. Sweat flowing from my forehead as well as my hands on the wheel, as my mind was picturing images of death and horror I experienced while a medic in Vietnam and with this reality of pain setting in, my emotions revealed the bitterness and hate that had been lurking inside me for the past several decades. Slowly my senses could pick up the smell of smoke and fire as I could feel the heat from the burning inferno thousands of miles away. Reconnecting with the sanities of war, I could feel my pulse racing with adrenaline filled energy that created a hyper awareness of the tragedy unfolding as the news kept bringing details of the outrageous event now becoming more suspicious as time unfolded more facts and tragedies.
Parking the car some 50 minutes later, I ran as fast as I could I inside to get where there was a TV set. Already on, I stood there with others in disbelieve as the pictures shown were implausible and histrionic to say the least but nevertheless, real. Shaking my head in doubt and confusion, I looked at the pale faces of my coworkers and sensed we were all in a severe state of shock as the news revealed more facts that indicated an attack on our country by a terrorist group unknown at this stage.
As the subversion unfolded and more details were coming in throughout the day, there was no doubt in my mind that America had been attacked. The beasts flying those planes into the Twin Towers struck a preempted blow to our nation’s security systems and like Pearl Harbor; I felt we had been victimized by an act of war. More and more specifics came into the light as news of other terrorist type of activities were reported indicating more acts that took blameless victims that day. As a veteran of a foreign war it was the first time I felt we had taken a direct blow to our freedom, our individual safety and our national security and was enraged that this was allowed to have happened. Immediately, I was looking for someone to blame.
The TV showed first responders working frantically to save or rescue these victims caused me to become even angrier as these scenes triggered a fighting mechanism that had been hidden for so many years. As the day went on, my emotions were out of control and my hate had reached maximum stages that blinded my sense of fairness and justice as I wished death to many of those that supported such terrorist act that took the lives of so many Americans caught unaware between the politics of the world and the religious beliefs’ of radicals. Those around me sensed my fury and kept quiet as I raged away at the TV set shouting obscenities every few seconds in total disbelieve that this tragedy has really happened. Nobody I knew or watched that day could do any work worthwhile to mention as we all zombied out for the entire workday. At the end of the day, exhausted, and somewhat parched with comprehension, I stayed close to the TV. In fact, trembling and glued in my chair, I shook my head so many times as it was revealed that a multiple attacks were reported that day with an impact of terror in so many different places that included the Pentagon and the events of flight # 93.
Flight # 93 was described as a most heroic act where other victims, true American patriots, unwilling to allow their hostage takers to impact their wrath on others, took control of the flight and unselfishly and deliberately with the inspiration of an American revolution, crashed the airplane into the ground to avoid further acts of terrorism to occur that day as it was already described as a day from hell.
September 11, 2001 rekindled my patriotism, my love for my country I have served faithfully and in a most dutiful manner. Unfortunately, it also failed to control my internal mechanisms to dampen my resentment of violence, my rage and scorned and ill feelings towards other humans in this world not of this country’s nationality. I wanted revenge. This day of broken spirits and multiple sorrows was the day it reconstituted my undivided and devoted pride to my country, my flag and its freedoms. Stored away deep inside of me since my society-imposed shameful return from the Vietnam war years ago, I wanted to lift up the flag higher than before and shout" I am American” out loud in public like never before.
It reaffirmed my allegiance to the oath of an American citizen. An oath as a serviceman in war and post-war, I swore that no foreign power will ever destroy our way of life. The moment I had heard we had been attacked, I knew that the reality of living in a world of hate and anger had come true again and struck home like nothing ever before. It was without any doubt, the worse day of my life since Vietnam days as I felt helpless to render aid or comfort to those thousands of innocent victims struck by the evil of less than human beings that undertook this task to strike terror into the heartland of America and those who believed in love, dignity, humanity and fair-mindedness for all in the world and who have often fought, defended or protected those rights to co-exist in this world.
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